God Doesn’t Owe Me Kindness

The valley is so dark sometimes. I have written about this a little in a previous post. I knew it was dark, but I didn’t see how dark it was as I walked along the bottom of it. In the last few months, God has taken me out of the valley. It was a slow climb at first. Then came the surprising realization that he had been bringing me out for longer than I was aware. I can see down into the valley from where I stand now. It’s sunny and bright and the weather is fair. Sometimes the darkness still descends like a cloud passing on a sunny day. But like the stray cloud, it usually passes quickly enough. When I stop to think about how my life is going, I’m just overwhelmed by how kind God has been to me and my family.

God has taken care of us in every single way. I could tell so many stories of His kindness. But I’ll just share one example. My kids have always been homeschooled. Robyn and I teetered back and forth on this decision, but in the end were convinced this would be best for us. When she died, I was faced with the question of what to do next. I desired to keep the kids in the same situation to retain as much consistency as possible in their lives. But how could I homeschool them while I worked a full-time ministry job? Over the Christmas break, I was concerned about this but had not spoken to anyone to get it figured out. So many other pressing issues were going on. I was beginning to worry. And then, out of the blue, without me doing a thing, God sorted the situation out beautifully.

The Kindness of God

First, our close friends reached out and offered to fold my kids into their homeschool for two days of the week. They instigated the conversation, I hadn’t even thought about this plan. Next, a recent college grad (an education major even!) had a clear schedule on two of the other days of the week and expressed interest in helping. So, God allowed me to hire her to homeschool the children on those mornings while I teach. Lastly, a former Christian school teacher had one day of the week free in her schedule. It just happened to be the last day I was trying to figure out! Through her pastor (a longtime friend) I was able to connect and now my kids have homeschooling all week long as they did before. The kicker is this: I didn’t seek any of that help. God arranged it all. Other people instigated every conversation.

For a moment, please consider this from my perspective. I had the head of a local Christian school reach out and offer a place for my kids if I needed it. He knew we homeschooled, but he also knew that could be very difficult to accomplish as a widower. He wasn’t pressuring, he just wanted to give me the help if I needed it. I could have taken him up on his offer. But my thought, as a father, was that taking the kids out of their normal friend group in our homeschool community would be one more big change in their lives. I have hoped and prayed to keep things the same for them, at least as much as possible. So please consider how very kind this is, that God would allow our family to continue with the same homeschooling. And He did this in such a way that I didn’t have to even lift a finger.

This is just one example of the crazy and amazing ways God has been showing kindness to my family. Cards continue to fill my mailbox. Messages continue to arrive through social media. Offers to babysit, shovel, mow, etc. keep coming in. People continue to pray and reach out for prayer requests. My kids have received so many gifts and cards. It’s just been so encouraging. There is more to tell of course, but for now, you should get the picture. God is being actively kind to my family.

The Goodness of God

But notice that I never said God was being good in the above paragraphs. He was of course. But I have tried to be more specific by saying how kind He is being. God has always been good. His kindness is but one example of His goodness. But what if He had not chosen to be so incredibly kind to me right now? What then? Would His goodness be in question? Of course, the answer is a resounding “no.” God was good all along. When the diagnosis came in February of 2023, God was good. When we discovered that the chemotherapy wasn’t working, God was good. When radiation could not keep up with the spreading of Robyn’s cancer, God was good. When we faced the deep valley of hospice, God was good. When we told the kids their dear mother would meet Jesus sooner than we expected, God was good. And when she departed for that eternal shore, forever to be with her Savior . . . God. Was. Good. He has always, and only, been good to Robyn and me.

And had the days following her death been filled only with sorrow, God would have been good. Had the school issue not resolved the way it did, and the children had to face a daunting change, God would have been good. Had my tears never dried up, and my strength to get back in the classroom never returned, God would have been good. God never owed me anything. I was a rebel my whole life. I sinned and lived for me and rightly faced an eternity of wrath. And as a rebel, as an unrepentant sinner, God reached down and saved me. I had done nothing to earn or deserve it. And as a Christian, I continued in sin. So many sins. And yet, He always forgave me and even continued to sanctify me.

Goodness Eternal

God was always good to me. He could have allowed far more difficulty in my life and nothing would have changed. He is good. He has been kind. Shockingly kind. I have so many stories to tell of what He has done. In so many little ways He has shown kindness to me and the kids. And in many very large and visible ways, He has shown kindness. And I am so humbled and grateful for this.

But make no mistake. God didn’t owe it to me to be kind. We miss the point when He cares for us after difficulty if we assume we were owed a “break” or “reprieve.” We are not an equal with Him. We are His creation. We bear His image and we are His servants. He has tasks for all his servants. Ours is to serve and trust and put our faith in His character, not life’s circumstances.

So I want to rejoice that my God has chosen to be kind. I want to praise Him publicly for this mercy in my life. But had he made a different plan, he would have been no less good to me. He didn’t owe me any kindness.

And maybe that’s why it feels so overwhelmingly kind.

Job 1:21 – slightly reworded:
“The Lord gives…and the Lord takes away…blessed be the name of the Lord!”