Robyn wanted her testimony read at her funeral. With a patch over one eye to stop her double vision, and with a finger on her iPhone’s swipe keyboard, Robyn composed her testimony. Sometimes she was able to use her laptop, but the awkward angle of her hospital bed didn’t always allow this. But no matter how she had to adapt to her illness, nothing was going to stop her from sharing her testimony.

A good friend read this testimony at her funeral. Robyn wanted all to hear how God had saved her and cared for her and how others could have this same peace and hope. She chose a friend who she knew would be able to read the testimony without being overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment.

There’s a funny story here too. What I didn’t know when I reached out to this friend after Robyn died, is that she’s not a public speaker! As in, it was not her thing and this would “give me a heart attack!” (her words, no mine!). Of course, in God’s wise plan, I didn’t learn this until after she had read the testimony (and did an amazing job). On top of this, the day of Robyn’s funeral was also this friend’s birthday–I had no idea! My wife basically gave her a heart attack for her birthday! 😂 But, we both know that Robyn would laugh like crazy at this situation if she knew about it.

What Do We Know in Heaven?

Does she? Well, that’s one of those speculative theological questions I need to figure out. But for now, I’m content with not knowing for sure what saints in heaven are aware of or concerned about. Peter Witkowski — who also lost his wife to cancer — has written about a similar question here. I would recommend you take a look. His reflections have been a help to me as I walk this unfamiliar road.

Speaking of this road, before I was a widower I knew very few who were on this road (especially in their 30s/40s). Now that I’m driving down this as my regular route, I have noticed that there is more traffic here than I realized. God is good. I have others who I can reach out to for help and to answer questions. 2 Corinthians 1 keeps playing out at different times and in different ways.

The rest of this post is written by a guest author. One whom I’m very fond of and miss greatly. She had an incalculable impact on my life. She was my better half for sure. I hope you are blessed, encouraged, and perhaps challenged by her final words to the watching world.

My Testimony

By Robyn Stearns

When you are 42 years old, with a husband, and two young children, you do not expect to be writing an obituary. An end-of-life testimony. Most wives and moms are not writing to say goodbye to the ones they love so dearly. Yet, here I am. Writing down thoughts and words that I thought would never come. Because you expect more time, to say goodbye when you are later in life.

Life has been unexpected. Cancer has come twice now and I’m only 42. Which, when I was 22, seemed much older. But now that I’m 42, seems extremely young. Saying goodbye seems so quick and unexpected. But as time has passed, I realized more and more that just because something is quick and unexpected, does not mean that it actually has been quick or unexpected.

God does not do quick. He does not do unexpected. He does not do things that He has not seen or are out of His control. He is the opposite of those things. And nothing could be more comforting than these truths about Him and who He is.

When I got to the stage of this cancer journey when the doctors said there was nothing else to do—that I should consider palliative care, pain management, and comfort, instead of treatment that was not working—things seemed very much out of my control. And in a way they were. Chemo did not work. All the efforts I could bring to mind did not work. Everything that would normally be used to heal me just did not work. This is not to say the doctors did not work their hardest to help heal me. My oncology team and everyone involved did their jobs so well. We are so very thankful for everything they did for me every step along the way. I cannot express my thankfulness enough to my doctors through all of this. They were extremely caring and helpful to not only me but everyone in my entire family.

And then the decision came, so very difficult, in September to stop all treatments, which my body was not handling anyway, and move to hospice. How do you make the decision to not go back home? To not see my family, Andy, and the kids in our own house. To spend my final days in a place that is unfamiliar to me. But that is what we did. And by the end of the first day or two, we knew it was the exact right decision for us. The treatment we received in hospice has been nothing short of caring. The nurses and aids in our hospice house have gone above and beyond in taking care of me. They have gone above and beyond showing love and kindness to Andy and our children in ways that are so kind. We will never forget.

Back to being 42 and dying. How do I explain my life? How do I write an obituary? How do I give a testimony to my life? When it seems too short? My children are only 9 and 6. I love them so dearly. Andy is only 43 and I’m leaving him alone. Or so it seems because partly I am. Partly I am not. In reality, this is the plan God has chosen for me and my family.

My peace and hope come from knowing where I go after my time here on earth is done. I put my trust in Christ at a young age. I was almost 5 years old and attended Vacation Bible School at our church. Even though I was at a young age, I knew that I was a sinner and that it was only Christ who could take the penalty for my sin. I remember praying and confessing my need for Him to take away my sin. I knew He had died for me and rose again to prepare a place for me to live with Him eternally. I put my trust in Christ; I asked for forgiveness of my sins and believed that Jesus had taken my place on the cross. I know that I have eternity in heaven with all other believers and with God the Father. My hope and comfort lie in this truth. I’m so thankful for these truths that I learned at such a young age, truths that I took with me all the way until He decides to take me home to heaven. There are so many decisions in our lives that seem the most important, but by far that was the biggest moment of my life. If you do not know the love of Christ, or know for sure where you are spending eternity, it would be the greatest gift to me, if you would ask Andy, my pastor, or any of my dear friends about any questions you have.

I am sad to leave this earth, my family, and those who I hold dear. But all of this is made bearable because of the hope I have in Christ. And because I know that this is just a pause for me. I will get to see those who are dear to me who have gone before me, and eventually, the ones who are still here on earth when I leave.

The following verses have comforted me many times because of the truth they declare about God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:7 ESV)

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.
Therefore encourage one another with these words.
(1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ESV)