It’s been a long while since I’ve posted anything about Robyn. That’s mostly because the day to day activities and issues surrounding her care increased. It’s also because I really didn’t know what to report. As odd as this sounds, the situation was just unclear. Did changes and developments take place? Yep. Were they definitive? Nope. It often felt like taking a few steps backward and then a few forward. Adjust a medication here, add a new medication there. Discover a new symptom and add another med. So on and so forth. It was all a bit exhausting but I believe we handled it the best we could before the Lord. We’ve had many good times with the kids. We were able to have multiple Friday night “Family Nights” even if we had to move the later ones to the mornings when her energy was higher.
But now the situation has become clear. Robyn has begun to decline in the last two weeks. We could not tell how fast this would go or chart out how long this would take. Like so many situations on this long road of medical suffering, we have learned that we just don’t know. We can’t know. We aren’t omniscient, and so to speculate without clear evidence is just not possible.
Robyn’s disease has progressed significantly. She sleeps most of the day now. When she is awake she has very little energy. We have had to stop all visits as it’s been just too much for her. We don’t know how much longer she will be with us. She has a young heart and lungs. Generally a hospice patient is much older and one of those two organs tend to go out. Robyn’s young age is working against her at this point. She could last a while. She could be gone tomorrow. We find ourselves looking in the mirror and seeing our finitude–seeing how clearly we lack omniscience.
But the bright spot here is that Robyn and I have had many sweet, albeit tearful, conversations in the last two weeks. We have discussed how we are grateful to God for the extra time we have had at hospice. We prayed so much for just a little more time. What I hoped would be two weeks has now stretched to ten. Truly an example of His abundant love for His children.
During those talks we have become ready for Robyn’s home going. She has expressed this, and I have as well. More than this, God has given us peace. Is there fear? Yes. But mingled alongside is a peace that should not be there. A peace that is more evidence of God’s love and presence. A peace that Paul says “transcends all understanding” and which also “guards our hearts and minds” (Phil. 4:7) Fear? Yes. Sorrow? Yes. Peace that should absolutely not exist?
Yes.
Please pray for us as we take these final steps. Pray for peace. Pray for God to be glorified. Pray for our children’s hearts. Pray for my dear sweet wife as she awaits her soon-coming inheritance and rest. And remember that it is good for you too to think of death. Ecclesiastes shows that this is the path to wisdom (Eccl. 7:2,4). Take a moment to consider that, if you are a follower of Jesus, you too can have this peace when the day of your death draws near. If that sounds confusing, please consider reading this post, which goes into more detail about knowing Jesus.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
–Philippians 4:7
It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
–Ecclesiastes 7:2
Thoughts Worth Thinking 