The day after Thanksgiving – the one-year anniversary of Robyn’s death – Melissa shared something with me. It was a reflection she had penned on life as we presently know it. She thought about what she would say to Robyn if she had the opportunity to chat with her for a few minutes.
As I read the words I melted into a puddle of wet tears. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I think that is because I have also wondered what it would be like to get just 5 minutes to give Robyn a “life update” as it were.
Why share this with you? First, because I asked, and Melissa agreed! But secondly, woven into this letter is the hope of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Who could write the following? Who could see with clarity God’s plan and hand in all this? It is an impossible situation to navigate. A new wife mothering a former wife’s kids. The former did not leave on her own terms. No, she had to submit to an early death. The new wife is so happy, but her joy came at the cost of another’s loss. How can a person make sense of this all? How can the family love the new wife? How can bitterness to God and resentment be avoided? How can people, facing such sorrow, side-step the awkwardness and land a genuine hug instead?
The gospel. That’s how. It is incredibly powerful. It is far more durable than you might realize. Christ’s death on the cross means you can walk in the fear of the Lord rather than fear of circumstances or people. That is the kind of fear that feels like freedom. True freedom.
I’m so grateful to God for Melissa. She’s a gracious, gentle, and godly wife. I hope you are as blessed by this as I was.
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Thanksgiving Day 2024
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be on my lips. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together. ~Psm. 34:1-3
I wonder if one year in heaven seems like only a day, and if the events and adventures and delights of being with the Savior will roll like waves upon the seashore, each one reaching farther with more beauty. Here on earth, 365 days seems a lot more like lurching stops on a bumpy ride on an unfamiliar and frightening road. But, whether on heaven-side or firmament-side, God’s plan, His careful planning, perfect execution of His plan, and powerful sustaining grace have been seen.
If I could sit down and tell Robyn about God’s work here in the last year, these are a few of the things I would share with her.
First, God always provided. People from church, Faith, and communities near and far faithfully continued to uphold your family in prayer. Those humble, compassionate heart-cries also spilled out in incredible acts of generous love. Meals, acts of service, daily living supplies, child care, and financial resources were allocated for your family through God’s people.
When the spring semester arrived, schooling picked up again with the generous support of Andy’s coworkers, dear friends Tim and Ang, Miss Rachel, and Grandma Kay. It seemed like a monstrous train to start chugging down the track, but as God saw fit and beautifully orchestrated, some routine and a new rhythms of school and work-life returned.
I think you’d be proud of Andy. He attempted all the things: pony tails for Abi, food prep and kitchen clean-up, schedule acrobatics so the kids could have their lessons and be cared for on a daily basis during school hours, and large numbers of difficult calls and paperwork projects. He walked humbly seeking to please the Lord with the suffering given him to steward. He leaned hard into God’s character and listened to his wise counselors.
God gave the kids abundant grace, too. Evan came to know the Lord as his Savior in May after the road of suffering provided many opportunities for him to see his need of comfort that could come from nothing and no one but the Lord Himself. Abi soaked in more than we’ll probably ever know. She best described the joy and sorrow we experience as Christians like this: “It’s like happy on one side and sad on the other” (pointing to her face). Indeed! They exist together with the Lord’s grace, sweet girl.
Both kids have experienced much grief and sorrow, but there’s a crushed beauty, a fragrance, that is evident in their lives even at ages 10 and 7. We’ve stood in the cemetery and watched the kids attend to your headstone and seen Abi proceed to attend to dropping flowers in vases nearby, all the while perfectly content in a place where most people feel so uncomfortable. Evan’s thoughts and questions have prompted discussions about others his age or older who have or will one day soon lose their moms, and in this year, I’ve watched with joy as their compassionate hearts have overflowed in generous love to one who walked the same path. May God increase their love and trust in Him as they continue to grow.
God’s gracious love has ben demonstrated through your siblings and parents. They’ve been faithful to care for Andy and the kids. Julie has spent hours, countless hours, thinking and planning ways to help the kids remember you. She’s also given much energy to help attend to things at the house and help with tasks that don’t come naturally to Andy. Upon my arrival to Andy’s life, gracious, hospitable welcomes were granted by your loving family. I think my experience is so rare, and I’m grateful for the incredible kindness I’ve been shown by the Nicholls clan.
There are so many people who have been such an incredible blessing and source of encouragement to Andy and the kids. I don’t think I could ever list them all, but I want to try. The FBBC family, Faith Baptist Church family, and Anchor family have helped bear the burden of suffering and been a source of strength and encouragement through the hardships and adjustments. Friends old and new, near and far, have offered words of comfort and hope. Andy’s parents and brother have been generous in their time and efforts to ensure Andy and the kids have what they need day by day. God has not failed to provide. His hand has never been slack. His awareness and ability to meet specific needs has been masterfully demonstrated.
And though it feels hard, I’m incredibly thankful to the Lord for allowing me the privilege of stepping in to care for Andy, Evan, and Abi. The Lord gave me the desire of my heart to care for them, and I’m so delighted. Your friends and family have rejoiced with me and my friends and family at God’s plan to put us together. We have a lot of fun. We talk often of you. We rejoice in how the Lord is faithfully caring for us in what is an impossible situation apart from Him.
I’m eager for the day when we’ll actually be able to sit down and have this conversation. I’m sure, by then, there will be more to tell of God’s abundant grace. We all can say, “God’s been good in my life.”
We praise you, O Lord!
Thoughts Worth Thinking 