When God’s Grace is Unexpected

It really shouldn’t be, should it? We know His character is both loving and gracious. A simple survey of the Bible makes this plain. Even in the Old Testament, when we read of the many wicked kings in Israel, we still see that God is merciful and gracious to His people. His people that really don’t deserve it at all. If God could be forgiving and gracious to King Manasseh–perhaps the most wicked king in Judah’s history–of course He can be that and more to his children who love Him. Yet we still pray, and wait, and trust, and then are surprised when God is good and gracious to us.

This is the end of the first week of the semester at the amazing Bible college where I teach and minister. Coming from a funeral and a very sorrowful year, I wasn’t sure what my state would be like when classes started. There is so much to do to prepare ahead of a semester. And then add to that the family transition over the Christmas break. But looking back, God was extremely kind.

Unexpected Healing

I wasn’t prepared for how gracious God would be to my family over break. We were able to take three trips and my kids loved it so much. So did I. The first was to the Mall of America. A bit touristy, but hey, Lego stores and roller coasters in the Midwest in winter really can’t be beat. Next, we went to Illinois to visit good friends. Jeff has been my mentor and friend for years, and his wife Sherry is the sweetest lady you will ever meet. My kids delighted in hanging out, baking with Sherry, and learning how the smoker worked with Jeff. I delighted in the many late-night talks to sort out my life. Finally, we made the customary trip to Michigan to be with Robyn’s family. Robyn was gone from this family gathering for the first time. But it was wonderful to see all the relatives. My kids especially love to see their cousins. Looking back, this month was a time of healing which I had not expected.

The funeral for Robyn was not at all what I expected. I thought I would be in tears the entire time, filled with sorrow, regret, and even frustration. After all, the entire year of 2023 had been that way (Something I will write about in the next post; how God front-loaded the grief that my wife and I would experience). But, on the contrary, it was a time of peace and comfort. Yes, tears were on the agenda. But the message my pastor preached was the most fitting I have ever heard at a funeral. God was honored, and Robyn’s life was honored in a way that honored God all the more. It was amazing. I even felt a little guilty at feeling so much peace. But speaking to two other saints who had spent a long time caring for a declining loved one, helped me to make sense of this experience. It is good for our loved ones to leave and be with the Lord. Especially since both Robyn and I had changed our requests from healing to asking God to give more time, and then finally to asking that God would take her to her eternal home.

The Unexpected Grace of God

I have always been convinced that God is good and gracious to His people. My wife was equally convinced of this. But through the events of 2023, especially in hospice, we both at times admitted that we didn’t always know where we would see that grace. As time moves further away from her death and the funeral, God has begun to let me see where He had been gracious. Here is a short list of examples.

God’s Grace in Grief. I thought I would be a basket case this week while teaching. How would I deal with the emotions of life as a widower and professor? What I have learned is that God “front-loaded” the grief in my situation. The further I get from the funeral, the more I see how incredibly deep the sorrow was that I was dealing with. In the moment of the trial, your only option is to trust in God and “soldier on.” This is the best advice I could give. But looking back has helped me to see how truly deep that valley was. Which is something better seen from the top, than the bottom. And yet, He seemed to show me grace in allowing me to not fully realize the depths of the sorrow I was in. Make no mistake, it was always horrid. I never thought it was easy or light. But the depth has only gotten deeper as I look back. Something I’m thankful for now that I’m a bit past the worst of it.

God’s Grace in Grieving. God let me grieve with Robyn. This is an unbelievable blessing. A friend lost his wife tragically and suddenly a few years ago. We ate pancakes and chatted, and he made the point that neither scenario was better nor worse. The issue is the pros and cons. For him, he was spared a grueling year of watching his wife decline. However, he doesn’t know the last thing he told her since the loss was so sudden. In that moment I began to see how kind God was to let me grieve with my dear bride in those final months. It was so very difficult. But I would not trade those moments holding hands in hospice for anything. We both said everything we wanted. At the time, I didn’t realize how much this would help me going forward. God, in His wisdom and knowing my frame, knew this was what would be best for me and Robyn. Or, at the very least, He was gracious to us for His own good pleasure.

God’s Grace in Planning. God let us plan our future with our kids. Even little things like Christmas presents. Robyn and I were able to order Christmas presents for the kids well in advance. This meant on Christmas morning, though Robyn was with the True Reason for Christmas Himself, my children still got presents from Mom! And what many don’t know is that Robyn LOVED giving gifts!!!! If she was independently wealthy, she would spend her time buying people presents. She delighted more than anyone I know, to find just the right gift and watch a person open it and smile. And though this still brings me to tears, she even surprised me with presents on Christmas morning. She was truly a selfless and loving person. And God allowed us the grace of experiencing that one more time on Christmas morning.

God’s Grace in Wise Counselors. God placed spiritual men in my life whom I have leaned on in this time. I have opened my soul much over the Christmas break. During the Fall and early Winter, one Godly friend would check in with me regularly. He was mournful with me. He listened when I shared my sorrow. He gently pointed me to the truth. All this has shaped how I have walked forward on this difficult path. Had I not had him and others, I wonder what decisions I would have made. I know this: I would have been insulated this whole time, bearing my grief with my wife only and then later alone. I do not know what that would have been like, but I clearly see the benefit of the Scriptures when they urge us to be connected and open to others in the Body of Christ. My friend helped me bear this burden so that I was not alone with my thoughts.

God’s Grace in Prayer. Last but not least, God was gracious through answered prayer. While Robyn did not receive healing, we had also prayed fervently for “just a little more time” with our kids. We had hoped for a week or maybe two to be with the kids. God gave a total of eleven weeks and five days. This was, I believe, primarily because of prayer. But there were many other smaller answers to prayer that we experienced as well. One that I did not expect was how many people would come up to me and tell me they were praying. I would be at the store, the gas station, or a restaurant, and so many times someone would stop over and tell me they had been praying. Often it was believers from sister churches. But just as often it was people I didn’t know and had not met. God was kind to allow the news to spread far beyond what I expected. This was very encouraging.

The Goodness of God, No Matter the Circumstance

In Job 1:21, God is described as the One who gives and takes away. Up to the funeral, I could only see the “takes” part of that verse. But I believed He was good and would give me what I needed in the future. What I didn’t realize is that He was already putting pieces together to give me what I needed before I realized it. Things were being set in motion that I had no idea about. The ultimate end (at least what I can see right now) has been my frame being fit and ready to return to ministry in a college context. God has strengthened me, cared for me, and shown me that He is truly good in the times where He takes, but also where He gives. Sometimes you just don’t realize yet what He is giving you.

If I could offer a thought to you, it would be this: remember that you don’t always see what God is going to do in your life to care for you, but God will take care of you because He is good and only does good. Remember the many saints in Hebrews 11? Very few received what God promised, but they trusted God until the very end. Even if they would only receive their blessing or promise in the next life.

So be careful about judging God by what you can see right now. He is sovereign. He is Lord over every event in your life. Nothing is beyond His control. And while you aren’t omniscient enough to see what He might be doing, He is still omnipotent enough to be trusted no matter what the circumstance.